My Sky has a Rim on it

When The Elder Scrolls Skyrim came out, I was wholly obsessed with it.  To the point, that I got tired of missing out on all the pretty texture packs of the PC users (as I was playing on PS3 at the time) and literally went out and built a computer JUST for Skyrim.

After all this time – it would appear I am obsessed again. Hahaha.

Onto the adventures!!

I started myself a new Warhammer wielding bringer of death, collected my Lydia (aka. Chlamydia) and took on the world.

Hey Chlamydia, go easy on the contouring ey? You look like you have a 5 o’clock shadow… I mean heeeey gurl, looking on fleak today!

So Lydia and I start stomping around the country side. First priority, is to visit every city so that I have a fast travel point for near by questing.

Stopped by Markath to solve some murders and buy some goods.

I reaaaallly have to question  what that meat he’s holding is. Because when you’re just a torso trying to sell me large chunks of mystery flesh – I start to ponder being a vegetarian.

Now, one of the other things I’ve been doing is trying to get the 15 Daedric Artifacts. These tend to be fairly high in stats and look a bit fancy, so I picked myself up the Savior’s Hide. Now, this was the most powerful piece of Armour I had at the time so I was of course wearing it.

While this armour looks a bit skankeriffic in general, I wasn’t fully aware of HOW skanky it was until I got a kill cam on a Dragon.

I can imagine what the towns people are saying while I defend their city from the flying lizards.

Look friends! It’s the great Dovakin here to save us from the…oh my! Kids, cover your eyes.

The second Daedric Artifact I got was ALSO a piece of armor. While it may not be as revealing as the first, I’m pretty sure my epic mustache mask has it’s own level of seduction.

New from Victoria’s Secret – the Mustache Night-Mask. Now only $499.00.

While Chlamyd’s and I were dungeoneering, I found this odd shaped ball. Figured that it would look nice at home on the mantle to shoot sparks at and pretend we’re having he worlds most ancient disco when suddenly a voice emanates from it asking me to return it to it’s rightful place.

As I am not in the business of robbing others of their party goods, I promptly followed the instructions and went to find the shindig to ask if we were invited and could my trusty follower come as a +1?

When I arrived, it turned out that the voice was coming from some sort of statue in the middle of who-knows-where.

Have you considered Tindr? Your love can reach a radius pre-determined in the settings.

I stepped up, as I’m not one to judge the race of others, far be it for me to tell a statue they can’t hook up and party, and placed the disco ball into the nook at the bottom when suddenly I get launched into the air.

Ok lady, calm your various light beams, and put me back on the ground. I’m not into your weird sky events.

Meridia, who turned out to be the god of infinite energy asked me to go turn on the lights for the party in her old temple.
Lydia was a fan of the idea despite telling me 18 bloody times “I don’t like the look of this”, but then again, she might of been catching her reflection in the pool of blood on the floor.

I flick all these reflective balls on, and the temple starts to light up – which is far more the party I was hoping for.

You’ll be coming home with me tooooniiiiiight, and we’ll be burning up like neeeeon liiiiiights

So cool, the lights are on. I go to leave the temple and let Meridia know she’s ok to start letting the guest know that they can start arriving when this AWFUL, and I mean AWFUL dude leaps out and starts shooting me with ice shards.

Normally, I’m ok with someone gettin’ all mad that there is a party happening in their house and they weren’t invited – because that’s just rude, but this guy just kept at it.

Wouldn’t listen to reason so had to give him a beat down and let him know that it was not ok to just start shooting at people when suddenly, he changes into his party gear.

On second thoughts Meridia, I don’t think I like your friends. We might give the party a miss.

After putting down the scary bro at the end of the temple, Lyds and I head back to let Meridia know what happened, and show her this cool sword we picked up when suddenly she get’s all cult on me and asks if I want to preach her religion of Tindr fans and party goers.

Sorry but, there is no other word appropriate here except a really loud NOPE.

Well, that is the end of the adventures for the time being.

Tune in next week for another episode of Skanks with Swords.

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Dragon Age: Origins – Part IV

Saddle up! Time for additional adventures on Dragon Age Origins.
Please be aware of spoilers, and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

Recently I have taken up to running Let’s Play videos while I’m playing – I like listening to the sound of someone commentating their gaming experience.
For those who are un-familiar with the concept of a ‘Let’s Play’ – it’s where someone screen captures themselves playing a game in video feed, and often has a commentary with it.

I would highly recommend checking out TrendKiLL’s video’s. His are my favorite to listen to – but be aware, he drops the F bomb a lot hahaha. https://www.youtube.com/user/TrendKiLLv01?feature=watch

But, onto the show!

So not a lot interesting happened after the rescue of the boy and his uncle, so I headed off to discover this magic ‘Urn’ that will hopfully cure Alister’s friend the Arl.

I ran into this guy that that I chatted to quite pleasantly for a few minutes and then went to leave his house.

Oh but of course kind lady, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

Before I leave I thought, might have a quick lookie loo around his home for any freebies and go to enter the last room and he jumps up with ‘don’t go in there’.
I get involved in some dialogue choices and decide I want to know what’s hiding in the damned room and this results in him attacking me.

Now, him attacking me wasn’t the bad thing, when I went in the room I found this.

CREEEEEEEEEPPPEEEEER

Who the F was I just talking to then?

I don’t know if this means something, but I did notice a doll next to the body.
Now, I also noticed this same doll next to the beds when I was in the fade rhelm battling naked purple girl with horns.

I’m going to guess who ever the archdemon causing all this is, really likes plush toys.

After this, I make a trek to a town called Haven.

Welcome to haven, please enter at your own risk.

Despite it’s welcoming name, the towns people are anything but. This entire town are mass murdering cult freaks.
I walk into a room with an alter and blood coated all over it. Turns out, my dog can distinguish between human and animal blood and tells me so.

So, Dog. Remind me again how you can taste that this is a deceased human Caucasian male of approximately 37 years of age?

Based on Dog’s professional DNA analysis we move onto the chantry to find out what the hell is going on.

Apparently a Justin Beiber fan club congregates here to discuss new singles.

After slaughtering every last one of the trigger happy stoned out cultists, I find a man I had been looking for laying on the floor in an adjoining room. He thanks me to saving him and informs me that he believes he has found the Urn I want.

Lead on bald man! If I lose you, glint your head in the sun as a beacon. K, thanks.

So the Urn is apparently in this…er..snow castle. Which of course is filled with confusing rooms, which are of course in turn filled with annoying foes.

Can’t you just go get it, dude?

Last save point, I had started fighting these Ash demon things. Not as tough as they look, but a royal pain in my behind when trying to fight off 10 plebs in armour.

Not as cool as a Zerg, but he’s trying.

Well, time to stop blogging and start playing again.
It was mentioned on my blog that I’m soon going to encounter a twist. AAARGH THE ANTICIPATION. Can’t wait to see how this ends.

Love you all 🙂
Sincerely,
El.

Dragon Age: Origins – Part III

** DISCLAIMER: By reading this post you agree to potentially opening yourself up to spoilers regarding the content and storyline of Dragon Age Origins. Also you owe me a small skim milk cappuccino with 1 sugar.**

Last I left you, I was off to the Redcliff castle.
So the catch up is a woman comes out and convinces Bann Teagan to go into the castle to help her save her husband and child because it demanded she bring him.
Bann sneakily gives me a way via a secret passage to follow him.

SO – before I can head to the castle, I’m enlisted to help defend the village.

Please assist us, Great warrior. We want the battle over before the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy airs at 8

I actually think this was the most frustrating part of the game BECAUSE there’s a stupid bug in it that means that if a certain ‘support/side’ character in the army dies it just doesn’t progress.
I ended up constantly pausing and ensuring ALL my party members were defending him to get it to work.

Either way, they gave us a nice honoring speech.

Pretty sure Dog thinks all these people are here for him.

Get into the castle and it’s a lot of expected run through rooms, clear out zombie ladies.

Come ‘ere woman, I have something shiny for you

I did discover something cool though. If you set off Morrigan’s transform into a spider ability during battle and she lives, SHE STAYS SPIDERY.

Them legs would look nice in tights and heels

As it turns out, the woman the lured Bann T into the castle actually neglected to mention that it was her SON possessed by the demon.
WHAT.
A BITCH.

I will take a cheeseburger, fries and a large serve of DEATH TO THINE ENEMIES

He forces Bann to attack my party. Now this I didn’t like, because he’d been so nice in the story and now I was meant to kill him? Bummer 😦

Snap out of it man. The kids half your height for crying out loud.

Mage dude roles in and is all with the ‘I can help, but I need to kill one of you and send Morrigan to the fade rhelm’.

Hey look, Morrigan! Someone actually WANTS you for something!!

Of course the kids mum volunteers are human sacrifice, and damned if I was going to suggest a replacement from my team – so off she goes.

Fade rhelm was just a quest of ‘locate boy’, ‘boy reveals as demon’, ‘fight and win’.

I did however find it amusing that the demon ever stopped touching herself in the cut scenes.

I wasn’t born with it. It’s definitely Maybelline.

Well, that’s all so far! I have now been set on the path of finding some healing urn to save self-sacrificing woman’s husband – who also happens to be the guy Alister was easger to see.
So hey, I’ll do it for my bro – but it seems all a bit hocus pocus kids. Like the nutritional value in a happy meal – don’t put too much stock in dat.

Talk soon my lovelies!!

Sincerely,
El

Dragon Age: Origins – Part II

**BEWARE OF DOGS** …also spoilers.

Onto my recent adventures in Dragon Age!!

So, after I defeated the big monster at the end of my last post, we ended up having a cut scene basically about everyone having their shit ruined – and they had even less chance than usual because for some reason, one of the leaders retreated his entire army at the last minute, abandoning everyone – WHAAAAT A PUSSY.

Morrigan, the daughter of the wild witch of the forest, has joined my team and although a loved member of the group – is a big rolling ball of negativity and complaining. UGH, just what I wanted.

Shut up Morrigan, not body cares about your opinions

I’ve also been discovering some of the extra options around my war dog. I just found that I can actually pat and play with him, and surprise surprise, Morrigan hates him. It’s actually fairly amusing to listen to her or Alister’s banter with the dog. Neither of them like him, but both are terrified of him.

Who’s mummy good little boooooooy?

I think someone wants a belly scratch

I’m unsure if this quest was put there to see if I was an arse-hole, or if I was just REALLY compassionate – but, I play the game the same way I would if I were adventuring in real life. Very polite, help the innocent.
Now, up until now, the good vs bad choice has been fairly obvious except for this dude.

So, the town has caged him to act as a type of ‘bait’ for blight/enemies. Morrigan comments that this is an awful way to treat such a noble and brave creature (apparently she’s a fan of this particular race) and suggests we let him go.
He’s fairly polite to speak to, but then drops a bombshell in the middle of conversation like ‘I killed a bunch of people….oh, and their kids’….remiiiiiind me why I wanted to help you again??
I actually ended up abandoning the quest half way through because I didn’t want to continue on the path of letting him go, hahaha.

I’m also enjoying the side quests.

Red = Part of active quest. Green = Side quest board

Just give me a little XP and a small break from the big cut scene filled main story line (Man, does this game have a LOT of cut scenes). The only thing is that I wish the side-quests were mostly geographically located in the area you got it in, I hate all the moving between cities and camps – is annoying.

Kill a bunch of wild rampaging GIANT SPIDERS. Shit.

Now someone commented on my blog here that they enjoy reading female gamers reviews of games as they often differ from that of males.
This is probably just me, and I don’t presume to speak on behalf of female gamers (or females for that matter) but I think this is why.

I become emotionally involved in my characters. When I had the option to switch Morrigan, Alister or my war dog for a different character – I emotionally didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave my friends behind? This might happen for everyone, but I tend to find more of my female gamer friends feel a real connection to TV or game characters – more so than most of the males I know.

So Alister hears me having a nightmare and explains that this happens to the wardens. That they all see a dragon in their dreams who is the Archdemon, and that I shouldn’t worry – I will learn to push the dreams away in time.

Why tell me scary stories around a camp fire, right after a nightmare? That’s just mean!

Later we find out that he is actually the illegitimate heir to the throne. Cut scenes like there, where he talks about ‘being close enough to tell me this thing he’s never told anyone before’ etc, is what invests me. Morrigan’s playful hatred of Alister while we walk around, invests me. My dog wagging it’s tail, invests me.
It’s interesting how that works.
Oh, and Alisters winning dialogue.

“That’s what im here for, to deliver unpleasant news and witty one liners”

Anyhow, last save point, I was speaking to the leader of Redcliffe when a woman runs to him and says that a demon in the castle is holding her Son/Husband hostage and demands she brings back only him. I want to get into the castle too, so before following her to his likely demise, he gives me his ring that acts as a key to a secret passage.

Hopefully I’m going to find this guy inside that is a friend of Alister’s and cure the mans illness – but who knows.
Well, talk to you all again soon! I’ll leave you with a few random screen shots and captions, and see you all next time.

Sincerely,
El

Inventory! Not particularly interesting, but grabbed a shot in case anyone wanted to see what it looked like.

Stoic posing. Because I’m a boss.

Why do I flash on occasion? Also, the boobs need some severe work in this game. They seem, not attached to my characters torso somehow.

“Take this oh so sacred *scratch scratch* blessing from the *scratch scratch scratch* make of all *scratch scratch* – STOP IT DOG, SHOW SOME RESPECT”